The New NERV
by Pseudo-Dream
Summary: My first attempt at humor. With the angel wars over NERV is shut down, forcing all of the staff to find another job, except for the children, who still go to school. Rated M to be safe, although probably more a T story.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own shit, not Eva, or any of the other...things or actors mentioned in this story.

Because I'm a lazy bastard I'm going to summarize the important bits before the story. SEELE attacks, they lose and get their heads chopped off, third impact averted and it is now a year later, NERV is disbanded due to the lack of angels to slaughter and now all of the employees must find new jobs.....except the children, who still have to go to school...suckers.

And away we go.

* * *

The sun is shining, birds are chirping and wonderful silence shaped the perfect morning in the Katsuragi/Sorhyu/Ikari apartment.

"SHINJI IKARI YOU GET UP RIGHT NOW AND MAKE MY BREAKFAST!"

So much for perfect.

Our hero of this story, of many stories and more often than not deemed to be the universe's bitch was at this very moment snoring peacefully on his futon, ignorant to the raging redhead on the other side of his door.

Unfortunetly a happy, peaceful Shinji goes against the very nature of this story, this animated series and the company producing the Shinji Awareness DVD's. Can you believe that since they went on the market suicide rates dropped to practically zero as everyone who watched them learned that no matter how fucked up their lives where, Shinji's was worse? No one would ever be able to look at Persimmons the same way again after having seen what Asuka had done with them to Shinji in the video.

Although on the bright side the plumbers, George Clooney and the company that makes Mr Sheen (a cleaning spray), made a killing from the Persimmon incident, as its now called.

The thin wooden door shattered as Asuka slammed it open, her fiery gaze falling onto the sleeping Shinji as the gears in her mind started to work.

She had lived with the wimp an the drunkard for over a year now and it was a few and far between occurence that Shinji was asleep and oblivious to the world while someone else was awake. She took in his sleeping features, his goofy drool covered grin, messy hair and bare skin-

She stopped short, her eyes locked on the bare skin peaking our from underneath the covers. It then dawned on her that underneath that blanket laid Shinji Ikari. Naked.

She grinned, a twisted smile of delight reaching towards each of her ears as off in the distance a baby started to cry, thunder cracked and eight dogs, four cats and a swallow carrying a coconut screeched.

While she will deny it with fervor that would make even the most fanatical door-to-door salesman jealous, she admitted to herself that she liked the young, wimpy, spineless and whipped Shinji. Liked him so much that on more than one occaison she had to knock herself out to stop herself from going into his room at night and making little Shinji's. Unfortunetely Shinji was under the impression that one day instead of trying to hug him, Asuka was trying to strangle him.

It all kind of went downhill from there.

So, here was her chance to catch a peak at the boy she adored without the fear of being caught out by either the floozy or her crush, and from the way he was now snoring the chances of him waking up were pretty much nil.

Keeping low to the ground she slinked towards her prey like a cat, her breathing hitching slightly as she came closer and closer to her objective. Her eyes darted around quickly, making sure she was alone before stretching out one hand slowly towards the edge of hte blanket, her heart pounding as she curled her fingers around it.

In her mind danced hundreds of images of what Shinji might look like in the buff. Her blush intensified after each one skipped through her minds eye. A few moments later she absently wiped the drool off her chin before returning to the task at hand.

With slow, precise movements the lovestruck red-head started to pull the blanket back, her eyes widening as she was treated with the sight of more unexposed skin. She stopped just short of his waist, debating whether or not she should continue. On one hand she was curious as to how well...packaged the former EVA pilot was, yet on the other hand she knew that if Shinji found out she peeked it could seriously hurt her chances of getting together with him and rewriting the Karma-Sutra for use with plugsuits.

_'Decisions, decisions.'_ She scanned the rather well toned boy before her, taking in every detail as though this would be the last chance she got to see him like this. _'Screw it, I've come this far.'_

Wtih her mind set she tightened her grip on the blanket and in one swift motion jerked it off the sleeping boy entirely. Her eyes held a ravenous look as they sought their prize.

What she saw made her freeze, what laid in front of her was so far beyond what her imagination cooked up that for once in her life she had no idea how to respond while her eyes were locked onto the object and her mouth opened and closed, searching for something, anything to say.

She looked at it.

It looked back at her.

She blinked, just to be sure she wasn't hallucinating like the last time Misato had 'cooked'. She wasn't.

"WARK!"

"AHH!"

Both PenPen and Asuka screamed and pointed at each other accusingly, the noise they were making was enough to wake the dead, or in this case sound their death knell.

"Whats going on?" Shinji sat up, oblivious to the draft as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"WARK!"

"AHH!"

Both Asuka and PenPen hit the boy in the face before running/waddling out of his room. The boy in question fell back onto his pillow, the last thoughts going through his mind were why was PenPen holding a camera and that Asuka's little pink-hearted panties looked cute.

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

Meanwhile, on the other side of Tokyo-3 something diabolical was taking place.

The sounds were horrifying, they would send even a veteran interrogator into vomitting convulsions just from imagining what was going on behind this wooden door. The smells were even worse, it was something that cannot be described, but must be experienced in order to understand what true suffering is like.

_Flush._

Gendo Ikari emerged from the bathroom, ignoring the menacing glow coming from the door behind him as he made his way to the kitchen.

Entering the kitchen he reached into the cupboard and pulled out a box of pop-tarts, dropping both of them into the toaster before answering his ringing mobile.

"Ikari."

"Yes, I am sure."

"No, it will not be a problem, all of the issues have already been...dealt with."

_Clink._

Gendo glanced over to his toasted fruity goodness, his stomach rumbling at the thought of eating the sugary goodness, what he saw however made his blood turn to ice.

The poptarts...

They were burnt.

"Hold on for a minute." As Gendo put the phone down Fuyutsuki could be heard sighing something about poptarts again.

Gendo glared at the pop-tarts, the very thought of their defiance of his will to be toasted made him feel something, something he hadn't felt in a long time.

Now most people when told that Shinji Ikari and Gendo Ikari were actually father and son would consider it one of the best jokes of the year, considering how opposite of each other they are. When that person continued to tell them that in fact they were, then the econd person would commit them to the funny bin, drink a coke and move on with their boring routines of processing angel corpses into cheeseburgers.

However it would most likely prove to kill several people from shock when they discovered that the two were indeed alike.

Disposing of his burnt despair into the garbage, Gendo pulled out some cooking gear and began to cook his breakfast instead. After a moment he remembered the phone and grabbed it.

"What was that?"

"Yes, those infernal things. I might get Akagi to examine them for Angel matter, only they have been as annoying as these latest baked goods."

"No, I am not watching video's of the third cooking while I prepare my meal." Gendo paused the video on the screen, showing one of Shinji's now famous, mouth watering full three-course breakfasts laid out on the dining table of the Katsuragi apartment. He then looked down at his own food.

_'This was not in the scenario.'_ he thought as one of the tentacles reached for his throat.

Fuyutsuki sighed as he heard gunshots come from the other end of the phone-line, putting the call on hold he hit the first number on his speed dial list.

"_Tokyo-3 hazardous materials control."_

"Its me again." Fuyutsuki wondered if he could charge his phone bills to the new NERV.

"_The Commander again?"_

"Yes."

"_Its the third time this week...forget it, sending a team over there now."_

Fuyutsuki clicked the phone back to Gendo's line, the noises coming from the phone could be likened to something out of the Alien movies, gunshots and screeches coming from everywhere.

"Gendo, has everything been taken care of?"

"_Yes, the scenario is proceeding according to schedule."_

An explosion rattled over the phone and the line went dead.

"You'd think he'd stop buying those damned things...or hire a cook."

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

Rei Ayanami.

Translated to English it means Zero . Asuka liked to joke that it meant zero personality. However in reality it meant something else, something worse, much worse.

Something which shall not be covered in this piss-poor attempt at a humor story.

Moving on.

Rei Ayanami rose from mattress and rubbed the sleep from her crimson orbs. After a moment or two of just sitting there she did something so horrific that a bird looking into her window from the tree outside suffered a small stroke.

She smiled.

Getting out of bed she made her way over to her wardrobe before gently, reverently opening the door and letting her eyes fall onto the sight infront of her. A small wooden cabinet with candles, a sock, a pair of brief's, a lock of brown hair, a photo frame and a small plushie wearing a Unit-01 plugsuit.

Yes, it was a shrine to Shinji. Rei's greatest secret. After having been saved from a rapid pancake conversion by Shinji in the first episode her feelings awoke and in no time at all blossomed into the feelings of a lovestruck girl...and a stalker if the items on the shrine where anything to go on.

Kneeling down in front of the shrine the bluette prayed for a few moments before dressing and proceeding to make her usual breakfast of a juice, fruit and a banana dipped in condensed milk...

After breakfast she left her apartment and headed towards school.

_'Today's the day, the scenario is proceeding as planned.'_

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

By the time Shinji Ikari had finally emerged from his bedroom he was greeted with the sight of his guardian draped over the table in very little clothing, singing sea shanty's while drinking a bottle of Tabasco sauce, PenPen and Asuka who were both doing thier best to avoid his gaze. The fact that Misato was drinking Tabasco sauce didn't surprise Shinji in the slightest, having learned long ago that the sheer amount of alcohol that the woman consumes had pretty much killed all of her taste-buds.

Hanging his head and sighing he made his way to the bathroom only to be greeted with two angry red marks on both of his cheeks, poking both of them only to recoil in pain proved to him that he was neither dreaming, hallucinating or had woke up in that dumpster Asuka put him in last week. Shrugging his shoulders he decided it might be best to just ignore the marks, hoping they would fade by the time he got to school.

He showered, made breakfast and for the first time in a long time consumed it in silence as for some reason or another both the pet penguin and firebrand were unusually quiet.

This in itself should have been an omen, but Shinji paid it little mind as Misato finished off the last of her food before heading off to her room to change. She emerged in normal civilian clothes, not one of her usually revealing outfits, just as Shinji had finished making his and Asuka's school lunch and cleaning the dishes.

This should have been another sign to the young boy that the universe was calling his number.

"All right kids, I've got to get going to my new job so the two of you need to walk to school." She ignored the muttered 'thank eva' that came from Shinji. "I'll see both of you later, kay?"

"Bye Misato." Shinji replied as he watched her go...or rather watched her butt go. He'd deny it but the fact was he was still a hormonally charged teenager...even if spinelly-challenged.

Asuka didn't bother saying goodbye since she was in the bathroom, doing what ever it is that girls do in there for long periods of time.

Half an hour later found the pair making their way to school, Shinji sporting a rare smile and Asuka being unusually quiet, her mind still playing out the scene from this morning.

_'Such a good chance all ruined because of that damned bird! The hell was he doing anyway?!'_

Half way to school the duo ran into Rei, joining her Shinji couldn't help but smile at her, earning a small turning of the lips from her in return. Asuka looked up from the ground for a moment to catch both Shinji and Rei looking at each other before they both looked away.

_'Damn wonderbitch! Trying to take what's mine again?! Not this time!'_

_'Ikari is in a most...pleasant mood today.'_

_'Yep, today is going to be a good day.'_

Somewhere in the universe, Irony was laughing his ass off.

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

Ritsuko Akagi, hailed as one of, if not the greatest minds of the human race to date. She had inherited everything from her mother, her brains, looks and tastes in apocolyptic asshole lovers. This was a woman who knew what she wanted and knew how to get it.

And at this very moment, sitting in her new office, this was a woman losing her 32nd game of computer solataire.

Fed up with the 'obviously' rigged game she drained the rest of her coffee, her expression turning to disgust as she swallowed the cold liquid. Turning to her last vice she patted herself down, looking for a cigarette before her green eyes landed on a sign hanging just above the door, her second most hated sign in the world, coming just after the sign for children's crossings.

The sign in question?

No Smoking.

The blonde scowled before launching her coffee mug at said sign, unfortunetely the mug was plastic and just clattered on the ground without shattering.

_'Damn Gendo for talking me into this and damn mother for her selfishness and damn that store for not having any cheesecake!'_

Needless to say she was less than pleased about her new job after NERV had been officially shut down.

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

As the saying goes, a door closes and a window opens. For Kaji Ryouji he finally was able to do his dream job instead of being blackmailed into being a triple agent with photos of him partaking in several acts of indecency. One of which involved a lettuce, Persimmon flowers and a stuffed giraffe. Now that he thought about it...what ever happened to those Persimmon flowers after he finished with them...?

_Ding-dong-ding._

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

Meanwhile walking up a hill, Shinji Ikari sneezed.

_Ding-dong-ding._

"Scheisst! The bell, hurry up Baka and Wonderdoll!" Asuka grabbed Shinji's and Rei's collar's then literally dragged them the last few hundred metres to the school, only to stop short at the sight before the trio.

"I've done nothing wrong!" The principle yelled as several men in suits forced the elderly man into the black sedan. The three men pushing him into the car just grunted in response, one of them pushing the old man's head own before the principle recieved one final shove into the sedan. The three then hopped into the car and within seconds it sped off down the street, the trio of former pilots watching as it screeched around the corner.

_'Perhaps the driver is related to the Major?' _Rei couldn't help but wince slightly as the speeding car nearly destroyed a dozen others.

"I wonder what that was about?" Shinji faced the others.

"See! I told you he was a pervert! I bet he was taking pictures of me in the change-room!"

"Right...You know some of those men looked familiar..."

"I believe I too have seen them before, although from where I can not remember." Rei tuned out Asuka's usual rant about her superiority. "We should hurry."

"Hey Ayanami?"

"Yes Ikari-Kun?"

"Was it just me, or were those guys wearing bow-ties?"

"They were indeed wearing bow-ties Ikari-Kun." Rei glanced over at Shinji, her poker mask easily hiding her blush as she watched him walk from behind. _'The Major was right. Ikari-Kun does have a cute butt.'_

As the trio walked through the gate and into the school Shinji felt a chill go through his body.

_'Well, the news said that the Earth was returning to its original axis, I wonder what winter is like.'_

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

"They're here sir."

"Good work, what are they doing now?"

"If the first child knows then she isn't showing it, however she does occaisonally look at the third when he isn't looking at her. The second child is currently yelling something about perverted teachers and her 'perfect' figure. As for the third...he looks spooked sir. More so than normal."

"He always was rather sensitive, perhaps he's picked up one something. Regardless, how do you like your new posting Mister Ryouji?"

"I couldn't be more thrilled old man."

"I'm not sure if that was sarcastic or not. What about Dr Akagi?"

"What about her?"

"How is she settling into her new post?"

"She started twitching an hour ago, last time she did this it took two months for my eyebrows to grow back."

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

"Checkmate!" Kensuke smirked as he once again handed Touji's ass to him.

"Damnit!" Touji, being the impulsive young idiot he is, grabbed one of the pieces and flung it across the classroom without looking. "How the hell do you keep on winning?!"

The only answer he got was silence.

Confused, the jock looked at his friend, the otaku's eyes were wide and his skin was pale. 'If he had blue hair he could be Ayanami's brother.

The silence was momentarily broken by Shinji sneezing.

The hair on the back of Touji's neck stood on end and the atmosphere in the room was now growing steadily darker. It was then Touji noticed that Kensuke was looking behind him, in the direction of the door.

Turning around he saw the reason why everyone was quiet.

There, in the middle of the doorway stood The Great Asuka Langley Sorhyu.

With a rook imprinted onto her forehead.

In an instant Touji understood the situation, and he made the most brilliant conclusion that any human being had ever made throughout all of recorded history.

"I'm a dead man."

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

This scene has been deleted due to extreme violence. The writer would like to apologize for this by presenting you with this cute little bunny rabbit.

The rabbit sits on the table, looking at you.

You look at the rabbit.

The rabbit looks at you.

You look at the rabbit.

The rabbit scratches behind its ear.

You go "Awww."

The rabbit leaps up and tears your throat out while in the background, a conjurer called Tim can be heard cackling.

Once the slaughter is over, the rabbit scratches behind its ear.

The end.

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

Fifteen minutes, third broken bones, a ruined chess board and a laptop shoved somewhere that laptops just shouldn't be shoved and everyone was talking amongst themselves, all of them careful not to mention anything about the previous massacre just witnessed in fear of either invoking the redhead's wrath, or emptying the contents of their stomach.

Shinji, unfortunetely, was left on his own while Kensuke dragged the remains of Touji to the nurses office. With his new found free time and the intense boredom brought with it he bagan to look around the classroom, hoping to find something to entertain himself with while waiting for the teacher.

Looking around he saw the usual scene of any school. Girls gossiping and giggling, boys fooling around, Hikari and Asuka talking, Rei reading a book, that new transfer student who was possibly more of a military nut than Kensuke cleaning a gun...

Shinji's thoughts came to a screeching halt.

_'Ayanami's reading? Since when does she read before class?'_

Curious the third child leaned in the direction of the bluette, trying to read the title of the book. When he did his brain came to a complete standstill, unable to process the sheer thought of Rei reading that style of book.

Romeo and Juliet.

Had Shinji been superstitious, this would be interpreted as another omen, along with every other weird occurance this morning.

Had Shinji been superstitious, there is a chance that he might have been able to save himself from the coming nightmare.

Oh well.

Kensuke choose that moment the burst back into the room, garnering the attention of all its occupants and breaking Shinji out his Ayanami induced brain-fart.

"We have a new school nurse! And she's HOT!"

And in a instant all of the boys bum-rushed Kensuke, eager for all of the juicy, illicit details.

None of which will be written in this story. Ha-ha.

Just before Kensuke could get into his vivid description of the new school nurse, the school's intercom screeched into life.

"Could all please report to the assembly hall. All students to the assembly hall."

And so with moaning and groaning, and an Otaku's continuing description of the effects of gravity on gifted school nurses every made their way to the hall, just outside the door Rei came up alongside Shinji.

"Ikari-kun...That voice just now sounded exactly like-"

"-I know, it couldn't be though."

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

The assembly hall was packed to the brim with students seemingly all competing to hold the loudest conversation, up on the darkened stage however were a small group of people, hidden in the shadows, watching he proceedings below them.

The speakers in the hall crackled on and the students quietened down, shiftingt their focus from their conversations and onto the stage.

One of the stage lights clicked on, illuminating a woman standing at the front holding a microphone.

The males in the hall broke out into wolf whistling and drooling, some of the females to while the rest glared at the males. For three people however, hey were feeling something very different.

Terror.

"Hi! My name is Misato Katsurgi and I'll be the new homeroom teacher for class 2-D as well as your new english teacher."

"What the hell bis she doing up there?!" Asuka glared at Rei and Shinji, somehow thinking that they already knew about this. She was surprised to see a look of confusion and shock on Rei's face, and a look of absolute horror on Shinji's face.

In fact he looked more terrified then she had ever seen him before, and it concerned her.

_'Although he is cute when he's scared.' _Asuka smirked, her mind already churning out plans to see more of this particular _'cuteness.'_

"Unfortunetely a lot of the old staff have been fired for various reasons, some of them have even been arrested. Since so many staff had been lost the Japanese Board of Education asked as to take over their jobs for them. So I'll introduce you to the new faces your going to be seeing around!" Misato was a natural at getting peoples attention...I wonder why.

More lights flicked on, illuminating the bridge bunnies.

"These are Maya Ibuki, Sigeru Aoba and Makoto Hyuga will be teaching Computer Science, Music and Maths respectively."

More flickering lights, this time on two differant sides of the stage.

"KAJI!"

Everyone in the hall turned to look at the source of the noise, the second child. The redhead glared at all of them, some of them whimpered as they turned back around.

"As Asuka pointed out, this is Ryouji Kaji, he will be your new geography teacher. The woman over there is Dr Ritsuko Akagi, the new school nurse."

At this point Shinji was shaking more than after going driving with Misato, was paler than Rei and was positive that if it was not for the fact he was surrounded he would have already passed out.

_'Something is troubling Ikari-kun. I must help him.'_

_'If he shakes anymore he's going to dislocate something...baka.'_

_'Please don't let it be what I think it is! Is this some sort of punishment for killing your messengers?!'_ Shinji glanced to the ceiling as he felt something in both of his hands. Looking down his shaking stopped instantly.

Asuka and Rei were holding his hands.

The shaking stopped because he was now beyond terrified...he was paralyzed with fear.

_'I'm so dead, they're going to kill me! This day can't get any worse!'_

"And finally, your new principle and vice principle."

The final light flicked on, illuminating the remaining two people of the stage.

_'Why did it get worse?!'_

_'This was not in my scenario.'_

_'Mein Gott! Were all screwed!'_

There, sitting at the desk with his hands clasped unnaturally in front of him sat the former Commander of NERV, and the now Principle of the school.

Gendo Ikari.

With Fuyutsuki, who is now the Vice-Principle standing behind and to Gendo's right, as always.

"Greetings."

* * *

AN: Review, comment so forth and so on.

Is this funny...or even worth continuing? Meh, I'm going to continue it regardless of what you say :P But reviews always help ^_^

This is part of a self-imposed challange to write a (hopefully) funny story with six random things given to me by a reviewer of my other story, Trials. Now that the first chapter is up, those who review need...I said NEED DAMNIT! To leave another six random things for the next chapter......please? :P

Random things used to this chapter : Tabasco sauce, bowtie, rook, persimmon, geography, shakespearean play.

If you liked this story then check out my other one, Trials. However, it is a serious story.........heh.

Billion points to those who identify two referances to two vastly differant series. One of them should be easy, the other may not be....or it is and im an idiot, either way :P

~Pseudo


	2. Chapter 2: It can't get worse! Right?

**Disclaimer:** I disclaim everything. You hear me?! EVERYTHING!

Behold chapter 2 of my on-going, stupid piece of work. For those of you under the impression that this is either serious of a literary masterpiece, get off the happy juice....seriously.

Or at least share with the rest of us.

Review answers at the bottom A/N section, as well as other notes. Please note, there will be massive amounts of OOC from here on in.

Forgot to do a shout out to SithKnight-Galen, who spotted me the first six random things for the first chapter. Thanks Sithy!

Random things used for this chapter, as well as those who thought of it. (It's seven things, not six, but some were too good to pass up.)

Sadistic Shinji, after vodka (qwertyuio)

Masochistic Asuka and Rei (qwertyuio)

Boot to the head (qwertyuio)

Bondage/latex clothing (Blackmoon7875)

Division by Rei (KKND2)

Blowgun (StoryReader16)

Stethoscope (SithKnight-Galen)

Onwards, towards my epic sense of humor!

(Warning, humor may and most likely will not be epic, sensual or humorous. You have been warned. Further reading of this will most likely lower your IQ by a large amount.)

* * *

The Universe.

An ever expanding, ever changing body of light and mass which continues to present us with a never ending cascade of questions, and never a single answer.

A lot of people like to believe that an almighty being created our existence in his own image. Others believe it was several of these supernatural beings, whom even science can explain.

Some people even went so far as to say that our slice of existence was created by the flying spaghetti monster, which was last spotted hovering around Uranus for some unthinkable reason.

Regardless of how the universe was created, it is maintained and controlled by millions of facets, each representing a perspective, a motion, a thought, reason, emotion or rule upon which all life must base their existences Especially those uppity little bastards living on Xilos-4...

Sometimes these facets feel a spark, a surge of energy that draws them towards a single existence When this happens the facet can either watch, trying to figure out why they were drawn to the individual, they can ignore the spark and continue on with their eternity or they can do what everyone fears the most.

Interfere, manipulate and in general just screw around in order for them to have fun.

Hey, when you've lived millions of years, you've got to get your comedy fix from something right?

It was at this moment right now that several of the facets had been drawn to one existence A person actually. A 14 year old boy who tried his best to shy away from the world, only for it to grab him by the balls, force him to fight creatures ripped right out of a hippy's worst trip-out and when they were all finally destroyed, forced him to eat Misato's cooking under the guise of it being a reward.

It took two weeks before he was finally released from the hospital. A further two weeks and he finally regained use of his voice.

Of course we speak of Shinji Ikari, and it is right now that the facets of Fate and Irony are reaching in and plucking the strings of life, disturbing the poor boy's life even more...

It is truly sad...but shit happens. So now we pick up our tale from where we last left it whilst grumbling about the severe lack of cheese sandwiches provided.

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

"Greetings."

Everyone in the atrium locked onto Gendo Ikari, a few of the smarter slaves...er, students already assuming some relation between the man with the freaky pose and the introverted chick magnet.

Gendo on the other hand surveyed all of those in front of him before his gaze promptly fell onto his estranged son._ 'Judging from the way the boy is hyperventilating, now would not be a good time to acquire his help with the infernal pop-tarts.'_

Shinji was hyperventilating, both hands being held by the two girls he has a crush on, his guardian now becoming a teacher and his father becoming the schools principle, all in all it was too much, too fast. So, when dealing with situations like these his sub-conscious took control and decided to rely on old an age old technique he had recently mastered.

He fainted.

Before the unconscious boy hit the floor he was caught by both Asuka and Rei, who promptly started to drag him out of the atrium and towards the nurses office with Hikari leading the way and clearing a path.

Back up on the stage the newly assigned nurse groaned before taking the side exit and making her way to her new station.

"Well, with that everyone is to go back to the normal classes." Misato dispatched the students before glancing over her shoulder at principle Ikari, her eyebrow raising at the money being handed to him by the vice-principle.

"You win this time Ikari. But I guarantee the next one is mine."

"I always win professor."

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

"Just put him on that bed over there." Dr. Akagi tossed four burnt out cigarette butts in the trash, having practically inhaled them on her trip to the office.

With Shinji placed in bed the three girls took up seating positions around him, ignoring the mutterings of Akagi as she rifled through the cabinets looking for something. Inadvertently she opened on of the cabinets on the top shelf, its contents spilling out onto the floor.

"What are these?" Hikari asked, picking up the rather shiny black garments.

The others in the room also picked up the clothing out of curiosity.

As one the four females in the room recognised what the items were, each of them sporting a heavy blush.

"What the hell are you doing with these Ritsu?!" Asuka shoved on of the garments under the bottle-blondes nose.

"They aren't mine! They were already here before I took over!"

"Oh...kinky."

Their attention was diverted to the boy on the bed as he let out a soft moan. The four blushed even more when his body started to react to what they assumed was a rather...enjoyable dream.

"Oh my..." Hikari brought her hands over her blushing face, peaking through the cracks in her fingers at the sight before her.

"It appears that Ikari-Kun is...happy."

"You know this gives me an idea." Rei, Hikari and Ritsuko leaned in, listening to Asuka's whispers before an rather perverted grin spread among them.

"Your evil." Akagi appraised the redhead before her, she always knew the girl was sinister, but this was a new one for her.

"Thank you."

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

Ten minutes later the nurses office was filled with the groans of a boy waking up. Ignoring the pounding headache Touji sat up and looked to his right, then looked to his left, the sight before him causing his eyes to bulge out of his skull.

"Uh-" Unfortunately he never got to finish, as one of the girls leapt at him swinging a stethoscope aimed at his head.

The stethoscope connected, once more sending the boy back to the land of nod without the memory of heaven he had just witnessed.

People will later testify to finding a body in the school's dumpster just underneath the nurses office, belonging to a partially amnesiac sports jock buried under a tonne of garbage.

Oh well, sucks to be Touji.

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

Meanwhile, in the staff room.

"Who's got them first?" Kaji asked, balancing his chair on its rear two legs.

"Maya. You've got them after her." Misato managed to get out whilst slurping her ramen.

"Can't wait. Wonder what I should teach them first..."

"Didn't you read their syllabus?"

"You mean that really big book they gave us?" Kaji glanced over to Misato, watching her nod while still eating her ramen. "Nah, threw that thing away."

Misato started to cough and choke on her food until Kaji handed her a glass of water.

"You threw it away?! WHY?!"

"Please everything for the geography part in that book was a joke, even more so than that rumour of you giving up beer for two months just to pay off your car."

"Damn Ritsuko and her gossip obsession. So what the hell are you going to do then if your not following the syllabus?"

"Relax, I've got it covered."

Makoto chose that moment to run into the room, a piece of paper dangling from his right hand, causing Kaji's eyebrow to raise while Misato continued her slurping.

"What's the rush Makoto? Aoba putting the moves on you again?"

"Aoba's gay?" Misato asked incredulously.

"You didn't know? Haven't you ever seen him watching Fuyutski as he walks around?"

"Thanks, I needed that image in my mind right now..."

"Its...Principle...Crazy...Read!" Makoto shoved the bit of paper at the rogue before collapsing on the floor.

Kaji grabbed the paper and began to scan through it, his eyes widening as he digested the information.

"Oh that's not good."

"Whrt ish et?"

"Could you try that again, except this time without the food conveyor running?"

"I said 'What is it'?" Misato glared at her ex.

"Read it for yourself." Kaji handed the bit of paper over before making his way to the phone on the wall. Punching a number from memory in he glanced over his shoulder and watched as Misato mumbled along with the words on the paper, after a few moments someone picked up on the other end of the line.

"_Tokyo-3 Hospital, what's the emergency?"_

"Its Ryouji Kaji from Tokyo-3 Middle-school, we'd like to request a few doctors come out to give us a hand with something." Kaji winced as Misato hit the ground, her eyes wide and face pale.

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

"Ugh." Shinji began to stir, his left arm rising to shield his eyes from the light.

"Quick he's waking up!"

"I'm starting to have second thoughts about this Asuka." Hikari's voice Shinji concluded.

"It's too late now!" Asuka's voice...This was not going to be good.

Shinji opened his eyes.

"Unfamiliar ceiling." Sitting up our protagonist rubbed his eyes before opening them, and when he did he felt his heart explode out of his chest.

Their, gathered around the foot of his bed, each looking at him in what he would later define as a sultry manner sat Asuka, Rei, Hikari and Dr. Akagi.

All wearing skimpy latex outfits which left extremely little to the imagination. Hikari even clutched a whip in her right hand while Akagi held a turnip.

_'I'm still asleep...Yeah that must be it. This is probably the best dream I've ever had! ...Why is Doc Akagi holding a turnip...and grinning like that?'_

The four ladies leaned forward, moving closer as they provided him with an excellent view of certain...assets. Rei was the closest, her hand resting on his upper thigh as she moved closer towards him.

_'I can feel her hand...Wait...Why does it feel warm...?' He then looked into their eyes, before coming to the conclusion. 'Oh, it feels warm because it's real, that's all...ITS REAL?!'_

Thus, the boy who saved the world from the Angels, piloted one of the most destructive weapons ever created and watched some of Kensuke's "private" collection promptly passed out again with a nosebleed of biblical proportions.

Seeing their object had passed out again the four women sighed.

"What a boring little boy."

"Pilot Sorhyu, I do not believe he is...little."

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

Gendo sat in his office, his eyes glancing over the documents in front of him.

"Is there any particular reason that you stole your son's diary?" Fuyutski asked, smirking as he made Gendo jump slightly.

"I am just doing research professor. For the scenario."

"And which scenario is this. Instrumentality? Learning how to make pop-tarts? How about the one involving that paper boy?"

"The paper boy has been dealt with. Section 3 has seen to it personally."

"Section 3?...We don't have a Section 3, were the leaders of a school now, not a paramilitary loony bin."

"Section 3 is located three blocks south from our location Fuyutski."

'Three blocks south...but the only thing three blocks south is-' The old man's eyes widen in horror. "Jesus he must of really pissed you off if you sent those...er, what do they like to be called? Male exotic dancers?"

"As I have said, he has been dealt with. As for your previous question, I am researching the Third's notes for my new scenario." Gendo resumed reading the book in front of him, ignoring the twenty seven pages dedicated to whining about his relationship with his father.

"New scenario? What is it?" Fuyutski watched as Gendo opened on of the draws on his desk and handed him a folder.

Several moments of silence passed, Gendo never noticing the rather green face Fuyutski was now wearing.

"Gendo?"

"Hm."

"While I'm flattered about this, I don't swing that way."

"What?" Gendo grabbed the file from Fuyutski, glancing at the dozen or so pictures of himself in various positions around his home and the former NERV base. "GAH!"

All of the pictures had two things in common.

Gendo was the model.

He was barely clothed.

Snatching the file and shoving it back in his desk, Gendo grabbed another file and handed it to the old man.

Cautiously Fuyutski opened the folder, only to find a single sheet of paper covered in writing, after a few moments he had read the sheet and was smiling.

"So its finally time is it?" The professor handed the folder back.

"Yes, the time has come." Gendo returned to reading the book in front of him.

"About those pho-"

"-One more syllable and I'll tell Ritsuko your secret collection of her...delicates."

That got the reaction Gendo wanted, an audible gulp from his oldest friend.

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

Forty minutes after Shinji passed out again he regained consciousness and was sent back to class with his three other classmates. As soon as they arrived however the bell for lunch tolled and they all scattered to their preferred eating spots, Asuka running off with a blushing Hikari once she forced her lunch out of Shinji.

With Kensuke once again swamped by the majority of the males, begging him for more information on the two new idols at their school, and Touji having disappeared a while ago, Shinji was left to wander to the roof to eat his lunch alone.

Most of the schools students elected to either eat in the cafeteria, the oval or in their classes, so it was surprising for Shinji to see the enigmatic Rei sitting on the roof, eating her bread and lettuce while observing the school below.

'From this height, the rest of the students look similar to...ants.'

"Rei?" Shinji approached carefully, while he wouldn't admit it openly the look that just crossed Rei's face scared the Eva loving crap out of him.

"Yes Ikari-Kun?" Rei turned around, watching as her unknowing crush sat next to her.

"Don't you normally eat lunch in the class?"

"Normally I do. However today I noticed that Pilot Suzuhara and Aida were both preoccupied. So I took it upon myself to accompany you, eliminating the possibility of you feeling neglected."

"So in other words, you want to keep me company?"

"Correct."

With that silence descended as the pair started to eat their lunch.

"Rei, why do you always just have bread and lettuce for your lunch? Why not some chicken salad or something like that?"

"I dislike eating meat."

"Oh...well in that case here." Shinji handed over a his bento after he had picked all of the meat out of it. "It's gotta taste better then that stuff at least." Shinji's caring gesture elicited a blush from Rei, but the boy was too busy looking at the commotion on the ground. That new student, Sagara, was causing a commotion again by holding something in the air and yelling about a plain roll. _'If he wore glasses he could pass off as Kensuke's brother.'_

"It's a nice day, isn't it?"

"The weather is indeed acceptable."

Thus the pair drifted into another silence, the boy watching as the exchange student scored a boot to the head, courtesy of Asuka, while the bluette shot the occasional glances at him.

_'Now for the next stage in the scenario.'_

"Ikari-kun."

"Yes Rei?" Shinji was broken out of his daydream by Rei's soft voice.

"I need your assistance with a personal matter."

"Oh?"

"I have been thinking on something you said some time ago, about the current condition of my living arrangements. After some thought I have decided that they are indeed as you put it 'a dump', so I am now looking for a new place to reside in."

"It's about time. Do you have any idea where you want to stay?"

"I do not. I have yet to find a suitable location." _'Come on Shinji-kun, take the bait...'_

Shinji scrunched up his face in thought for a moment before the proverbial light-bulb flicked on.

"You know the complex where I live has a lot of empty apartments. I'm sure you could get one of those if you wanted."

On the outside Rei held the same, stoic and impassable expression. On the inside however was a chibi-Rei jumping up and down in joy.

"Hell, I'm sure Misato would let you stay at our place until you could get one of the other apartments."

_'Jackpot!'_ The corners of Rei's mouth turned up slightly, having reached her current extent of emotional expression. "That would be...acceptable."

"Great! I'll go find Misato and ask her, lunch is almost over anyhow."

"I will join you." Rei packed away her bento and started to follow the boy, her gaze locked onto his backside the entire way. 'This will also make collecting the items easier.'

Just as they passed through the doors they felt the entire building shake from a muffled explosion. Shinji, being the 'I'm worthless' sort of person he is grabbed Rei and shielded her with his body just in case the building started to collapse.

Rei on the other hand went wide eyed at the situation before a faint blush settled onto her pale face. After a few seconds and when it became obvious that the building was in fact, not going to collapse on them, Shinji looked up to Rei, asking if she was alright. Getting a slight nod from her he then noticed the light blush on her face before looking down, seeing himself fully pressed against the young bluette.

"Gah! I'm sorry!" Shinji leapt back, bowing slightly as he once again whipped out 'old reliable'.

"Do not worry. You did it to protect me after all, so it should be me saying thank you, Ikari-kun."

A few moments of awkward silence passed before Shinji spoke again.

"I wonder what that explosion was anyway?"

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

Gendo sat in his office, in his usual intimidating pose with the coldest expression he could muster on his face. It would have looked a lot more intimidating if perhaps the room hadn't been covered in burnt jam and a small spot-fire slowly burning on the top of his head.

"Damnable pop-tarts."

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

"There is no way in hell I am going to go see what happened!" Kaji yelled at Fuyutski, the rest of the staff watching as they finished off their lunch in the staff room.

"One of has to go check that he's still alive, and I've already taken care of that once this morning when he tried to put PVA glue in his coffee. Its your turn now."

"What can't he go?" Kaji pointed over to Makoto, who was currently slurping his instant ramen with all the grace of a baboon.

"Because the last time he went to check on the Amish we had to spend thousands of Yen on his psychiatrist!"

"Then send Maya!"

Neither of them noticed that the young mousey computer teacher shivered at the thought of being sent to check on her boss.

"She has to take care of a another class soon, we don't want the poor girl frightened to death before sending her out to deal with the wolves."

"Why not Katsuragi?!"

"Because were trying to see if he's still alive, not set off another explosion! Look, just go now or I'll tell the entire school about that incident with the persimmons!"

"Which one?" Kaji blurted out before slapping a hand over his face, realising too late that his mouth once again screwed him.

"...Which one? Are you telling me that there's more than one incident?" Fuyutski groaned, he had seen the video of Asuka and Shinji with the Persimmon incident, which was instigated by Kaji. It took three months before he was able to look at flowers again after having seen what had happened.

"So I'll go check on the bearded ass hole then?" Kaji decided that he had better chances with the anti-father of decade than the staff around him, based on the rather...disconcerting looks they were giving him.

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

Intermission.

The camera moves slowly through the tall grass before stopping. In front of it could be seen the chibi Zeruel, reincarnated into his child form. The young angel is travelling with his family when he separates himself from the group and goes to drink from the watering hole.

He stops as he hears a low growling.

'The hell is that?' He asks himself, he'd have asked the rest of his family but was burdened with a severe case of no-mouth. I hear its quiet rampant this time of year.

Especially on Xilos-4, serves those little bastards right, exile me just because that moose looked like a fish. How was I supposed to know they couldn't swim...or handle thirty litres of Xilosion beer.

Regardless were riding this tangent too far, back to the main story.

What? You want to hear more about the moose? Well tough shit because this isn't a moose-fiction, its a fanfiction. Although I will tell you that it had something to do with Persimmons.

He moves a little closer to the tall grass, the growling getting louder the closer he gets before suddenly a purple blur leaps out of the grass and lands on the young angel.

The current thought process of Zeruel can now be easily summed up into two words, which through the wonders of modern technology we can hear.

'Oh shit!'

The young Zeruel screams as chibi Unit-01 begins to tear into his flesh, roaring the entire time.

In a matter of moments the struggle is over, as well as the feast and Chibi-01 darts back into the grass, his appetite sated.

For now.

End Intermission.

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

The day has progressed to the last lesson, the explosion quickly forgotten by everyone and Kaji returning to the staff room shivering and muttering something about Amish jam.

On their way back to class both Shinji and Rei happened to run across Misato, who after some teasing about 'planning to do sum addition and division by Rei' agreed to let the bluette stay for a few days, at least until she moved into one of the adjacent apartment.

It took twenty minutes for Shinji's nosebleed to stop from the daydream of how to divide by Rei and Asuka...together.

Teenagers...heh.

So now we approach the last lesson, where all the students are bleary eyed, bored and generally ignoring everything the teacher has to say. That would be the average final lesson.

Today, this was not the average final lesson.

The door to the classroom opened and in stepped something straight out of Shinji's nightmares.

Gendo Ikari.

Carrying a couple of school text books, a packet of hot-dogs, a few small, colourful boxes and a box of doughnuts.

The former commander sat down at the teacher's desk and for the first time in its history, the entire class sat ramrod straight. They had all heard stories of the man in front of them.

How he had eliminated people out of nothing more than a whim.

How he once stopped an angel simply by glaring at it.

There was also a story that his beard was in fact covering tattoo of Hello Kitty. The person who started that story later turned up in the local football club, hanging from the top of one of the poles without the aid of clothing or a rope.

...Yeah, he's just that evil.

However not one of the stories they had heard mentioned the fact that this once shadow ruler of the world had his right eyebrow burnt off.

And replaced with burnt jam.

"AHAHAHA! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU!" Asuka was the only one brave enough to burst out into a laughing fit, falling to the round and rolling around.

"I am Gendo-"

"AHAHAHAH! DID YOU THINK NO ONE WOULD NOTICE IF YOU REPLACED IT WITH JAM!" By now Asuka was pounding the ground, water pouring out of her eyes because of how hard she was laughing.

"As I was saying, I am Gendo Ikari-"

"AND WHATS WITH THE BALD SPOT! I KNEW YOU WERE OLD BUT THAT OLD?! AHAHAHA!" Asuka managed to climb back into her chair with the help of Hikari, who tried to calm her friend down.

Gendo's jam-brow ticked.

"Rei."

"Yes." Rei stood up, pulled something from behind her back and in one fluid motion brought it to her lips. She breathed into the tube and a small dart lanced across the room, embedding itself into Asuka's neck.

The redhead immediately stopped laughing, looked around the room with a dopey expression before promptly hitting the desk face first.

Snoring soon followed.

The rest of the class looked at Rei, if they were scared of her or the new principle before, now they were shitting themselves.

_'Where the hell did Rei get a blowgun...and where was she hiding it until now?'_ Shinji, being the only other person used to these situations was probably the most collected person in the room.

"Now that issue has been dealt with, I will try again." Gendo turned around and started to write on the board. The sound of chalk scraping was broken by Asuka's mumbling.

"No Shinji...we can't...not with in Pen-pen's fridge." This effectively brought the class to a halt as everyone turned to focus on the unconscious redhead. "More Shinji....I want your entry plug..."

_'What the hell is she...no, I don't want to know. There is just no way this day can get any worse.'_

_'That slut, I will not allow her near my Shinji-kun.'_

_'Note to self, increase strength of darts when dealing with second child.'_

Gendo finished writing on the board and turned back to the class.

"I am Gendo Ikari, your new principle and Shinji's...father."

Shinji froze, it was the first time in a decade that Gendo had ever referred to him as his son. If he wasn't so scared he probably would be jumping for joy.

"Sir?"

"Yes Ms-" Gendo flicked open the roll book, checking the name and seat number "-Horaki?"

"If you do not mind me asking, why are you here?" Hikari looked nervous, Shinji couldn't blame her.

"I will be teaching a lesson to all of the classes, in order to get myself better acquainted with the students."

"What lesson are you going to be teaching us today sir?"

Gendo smirked. It wasn't his 'going according to the scenario' smirk, but rather his 'time to screw with my offspring's life' smirk. Shinji was seconds away from wetting himself.

"Sex Ed."

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

An hour later and over a dozen ambulances were in front of the school, treating the students form Shinji's class for severe shock and mental trauma.

Our hero however, already used to mental trauma was on his way home, with Asuka draped over one of his shoulders. 'If I'm lucky she won't wake up until after we get home.'

To his left walked Rei, having so few possessions meant that she had everything she would need to move into a new place in her school bag.

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

"Well...that could have gone better." Fuyutski sighed, watching as the last ambulance headed off to the hospital.

"Indeed. Regardless, the scenario is proceeding smoothly." Gendo ignored the groan of the janitor as he set to work removing the jam from the walls.

"So are you still going to go ahead with the next phase?"

"Yes."

_'Yui forgive me for what has happened, and God help those poor kids.'_

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

By the time Asuka had woken up it was just before dinner time and Shinji was getting ready to cook, with Rei helping. Misato had earlier left a message saying that she wouldn't be home, and that if she left some money and an alibi in her room in-case something happened.

The only other memorable thing however was when Pen-Pen exchanged a camera for a tin of fish with Rei just after they got home..Shinji thought that was unusual, but with the way his day's been going so far it was pretty much par for the course.

The preparing of the meal went off without a hitch as far as Shinji was concerned. With Rei helping him and Asuka watching TV it had to of been one of the most relaxing dinners he had cooked.

Unfortunately he failed to notice Rei pour something into one of the pots when he turned his back for a second, slipping the glass bottle back into her pocket once it was empty.

Twenty minutes later and dinner was served, and despite the lack of conversation and the three teens shooting furtive glances at each other, eaten.

At the end of the meal the Shinji and Asuka were both feeling quiet light headed. Asuka opted to go have a shower while Shinji watched her butt sway with some an intense gaze.

For the first time in his life, Shinji felt bold, so with one hand he reached out and smacked Asuka's butt, eliciting a squeal from the redhead.

"What the hell was that for Shinji?!" Asuka roared at him.

"For treating me like shit for the past year!" He said, spinning her around and spanking her bottom again. This time he got a slight moan out of the redhead. Rei decided to make use of he opening and went to the bathroom, intent on having a hot shower for the first time in weeks before Shinji spanked her on the bottom as well. "And that was for choosing father over me!"

"Your right Shinji...I was mean to you. I think I need to be punished." Asuka slurred as she dropped her skirt and presented her backside to Shinji.

Soon the evening devolved into a spanking session, with Shinji hitting the two girls, a mile wide grin on his face as he listened to their moans of pleasure.

_'Who ever would have guessed that they'd be enjoying this.'_

_'I believe I may have used too much vodka earlier...regardless this situation does have its own...merits.'_ Rei moaned as she was spanked again.

(~)~(~)~(~)~(~)

Morning came and the sunlight found three teens, each barely dressed and a mess of a tangled limbs on the living room floor.

Shinji was the first to awake, greeted by a pounding headache. Opening his eyes he caught sight of a two mops of hair, one blue and the other red. It didn't take long to figure out who the hair belonged to as a cold sweat struck his body.

_'I'm dead...soooo dead.'_

Moving slowly to ensure he didn't wake up the two girls, he slithered along the floor and to his room, thanking whoever was watching over him that today was Saturday, and there was no school.

In minutes he was dressed and in the kitchen, choosing to have a bowl of cereal instead of a cooked breakfast this morning, he was somewhat dismayed by the lack of milk in the fridge.

_'Oh well, needed to go shopping anyway. Better check on Asuka and Ayanami before I go.'_

Sticking his head into the living room he saw something that he never thought would happen, and something that every otaku dreamed of happening.

Asuka and Rei were lying in the middle of the room, both of them comfortably snuggled up next to each other.

_'They look cute...Did I just think they looked cute? Anyway if they wake up and I'm still here then they're going to kill me!'_

With his shoes on the former Third Child exited the apartment, locking the door behind him just as he heard a dull thud at the door of the next apartment down. Judging from all of the boxes Shinji came to the conclusion that they were at last getting a new neighbour, and being the kind boy he is, offered to help them.

Of course this had nothing to do with delaying his return and inevitable demise at the apartment.

Not at all...

"Excuse me, do you need some help?"

The man, who was currently bent over and rummaging through a box, stood up and turned around.

Nearby, Fate and Irony started to laugh their universal asses off.

"Greetings neighbour."

In front of him stood the last person in the world he expected, decked out in a Hawaiian shit and khaki shorts stood Gendo Ikari.

Thus, for the 145th time in his life, Shinji fainted.

* * *

**A/N Part 1.5**

Remember boys and girls, I FEED ON REVIEWS...AHAHA

So, I need six more random things, otherwise I'll have to come up with my own random things...and that's just boring.

Remember this is essentially just me screwing around, so there will be errors, probably a few plot-holes and the like, but if you see a gaping plot hole...like one leading to the real world, then let me know and I'll patch it up with sachiel's reluctant help.

Also remember to keep an eye on my profile, I often update it with story chapter status.

Also out of curiosity, how many of those here who write have a pre-reader? Does it help? If so I might have to look into finding someone....

REVIEW REPLY TIME (Dances around until Asuka throws a chair at him)

**Kknd2:** Your division by Rei was probably the hardest...and even then I'm pretty sure I could have done better. As for your "Gendo Ikari Facts..." the next chapter will have those...hopefully I can include something random in them!

**Mireille Bouquet Fan:** ^_^ Gendo and food....there's more crazy to be mined there me thinks...

**StoryReader16:** The hell is a butter-tart? And yay, you got the implied misato/class joke....wonder if anyone else did?

**Sithy:** Cheers for always reviewing my work! Hopefully you enjoyed this rather epic masterpiece of garbage...other wise its going to be Sithetta from now on :P

I had dog called Sithetta once.

I loved him so, always playing with him in the field near my home, especially playing fetch, he loved that game.

He was delicious.

Oh well.

**Everyone Else:** Thanks for the reviews!

For those interested in a more serious story, then check out my other work, NGE:Trials. Also, sometime this week, possibly next, I'll be starting another serious story, so if that's what floats your boat, keep an eye on my profile. If not, then buy a boat, find a shitload of water and float!


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